How to be a Facebook Diva

Miniature Pinscher, Facebook Diva, attention, azalea, bush, ground, size, outside

Life isn’t about how big or small you are, it’s about how much attention you can get.

If you have a diva dream and you are just in need of a few pointers, I have compiled a list of common traits of tiara worthy personalities on Facebook. These suggestions need not be limited to the femme fatale, they are perfectly poised for a gregarious gent as well.

  • Change your profile photo often
  • Make seemingly profound statements about nothing
  •  or about life, love, happiness, peace, religion or cats
  • Make these statements  often
  • Post cartoon graphics or photos with statements written on top of them like Hallmark or American Greetings type images i.e. to make them look like inspirational greeting cards
  • Make announcements of your whereabouts as if you are followed by the paparazzi
  • Post photos of yourself routinely
  • Don’t post too many photos of your friends and/or pets. You don’t want to draw any attention away from yourself
  • Make statements about what inspires you
  • Post about some tragic or difficult life experience you have gone through as though it is epic and people should worship you for it
  • Make sure that people know you ARE a positive person
  • “Like” your own comments and photos
  • Send friend invitations to anyone and everyone you cross paths with, whomever you ever knew from your past, and know in your present
  • Delete AND block anybody who says anything offensive about you

The Beginning

Spring 1991

I trudged down the darkened hallway, filled with adolescents on all sides of me, rows of lockers up against the walls and a couple of feet of airspace between our heads and the ceiling where the overhead glow of florescent lights served as the main means of lighting inside the corridor, except for the rectangular flash of light every twenty feet or so from the window in a classroom door. I neared my best friend, Kelly’s locker, and I arced closer to her side of the hallway so I could shout out to her as I walked past. The crowd began to thin as I reached the end of the hall where Kelly was leaning into her locker grabbing her books and stuffing them into her book bag at her feet.

“Goodbye Kelly”, I called out, as I continued to walk past on my way to catch the bus home.

“Goodbye Amber,” my heart skipped a beat as the cute boy beside Kelly looked me straight in the eye, smiled, and called out to me as I walked past Kelly’s locker. I almost tripped I was so startled and almost hadn’t heard Kelly call out my name before he had. How else would he have known my name, since I had never seen this boy, who was obviously standing and talking to Kelly. I later found out his name was Mark. He was a Freshman on the swim team whom she had met while she was at dive practice. I was so envious when the two of them started dating. I wished I would meet such a handsome, charming guy who would be interested in me.

I also felt like a horrible friend just for feeling any bit of jealousy. I was happy for my friend in her relationship with Mark. He was funny and attentive to her and of course I wanted my friend to be happy. I was so confused when Kelly told me that she had accepted a date with another guy, an upperclassman, while she was dating Mark. I couldn’t understand why she would be un-faithful, but I had never had a boyfriend, never been on a date and had no idea what it was even like to be in the dating world. And, I remained loyal to my friend and didn’t tell Mark that Kelly had cheated on him. I just silently wished that he would have noticed me. Their relationship lasted only two weeks, but they remained friends.

The end of the school year was near and I had been focusing most of my attention on a Summer program at the University of California at Berkeley where I would study Architecture even though I still had one more year of High School to complete. I wouldn’t receive any college credits, but it would help me to feel confident that I was ready to leave home for college and that Architecture was indeed the course of study I wanted to direct myself towards, as I had been dreaming since I was 13 years old.