I tend to form meticulous habits, carefully constructed with purpose. I crave efficiency, harmony, maximization, aesthetics, maximum pleasure for others, minimal negative impact, and of course the highest positive impact. Of course, the variables are constantly changing depending on tasks, outside associations (people, weather, unforseen conditions…), etc. I decided today that these changes, which could be construed as putting a kind in my routine, are actually precursors to the evolution of my being. If I were to continue ticking away like clockwork for the rest of my life, I might simply unwind as my time runs out. I think I would become bored.
I do like to believe in evolution, and I intend to be the fittest version of me, doing more than just surviving. Experiencing and then pushing my boundaries has always been what has excited me most. And my life certainly is and has been exciting for a shy and forthright, compassionate and passionate, stalwart and stoic, nerdy geek with multiple disabilities. There are some constants, but they are not static constants. It’s as though they are changing at variable rates which can be charted, and perhaps some sort of order can be determined of them. Or, perhaps they will continue to appear random, like pi. I think there is an order though, and a purpose, and a solvable equation. I think in order for things to exist there is reason, and reason pertains to logic, and logic is orderly, and order is inherently mathematical.
So, as I meander through the ebb and flow of my life, I hope that for the most part my evolution is meritorious and benevolent. I am not naive enough to believe that I do not take any wrong turns. But I believe that the best lessons are learned from our mistakes. And the more gracefully we resolve our Faux pas, the smoother we transition into the next stages of our lessons.
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