Abandonment

Since my ex-husband walked out on me, he turned into a storm of fury. The more I stayed calm and quiet, the more he messed with me. I tried to save my strength for survival on my own after divorce. But his waves of menace and pandemonium only grew larger and more severe. It was as though I was dealing with an unchecked child, pounding his fists as if to say, “you will notice me!” It took me a long time to realize why he was reacting this way. I couldn’t figure it out; I hadn’t been the one to walk out on him, nor had I been the one to stop loving him or sought a substitution for him in any way.

He announced his other relationship almost immediately after he moved out. I knew about it, but was astounded by the calls from friends and family to ask if I was okay when he posted a photo of his new little tramp with her leg wrapped around his waif-like waist on Facebook as his profile photo. This was how most people found out he had even left me. It was certainly a shock to many people indeed. And it was less than two months before she moved in with him and a couple more before they were engaged. They were married a week after our divorce was finalized, and the child came a year later. Yet I am the one who has been living in misery while the two adulterers are living the high life. Nobody knows all of the evil things they have done to me and they continue to receive plenty of praise while I have been outcast.

He had been anxious to replace me and had merely felt guilty about leaving “the sick girl”. All of his feelings of guilt and remorse were tied to his treatment of me. But instead of doing anything kind and nice about it, he treated me worse and worse. He felt that if I were to react at all negatively, that he would somehow be justified in ALL of his treatment of me and then he could be assuaged of his negative feelings. That was the only way he could figure in his illogical mind to turn his feelings around. Because he wasn’t even thinking; he was acting on blind fury and emotion. As if it wasn’t bad enough that during our marriage he was cold, uncaring, hurtful and downright mean. His behavior towards me turned to maniacal in the years following his abandonment of me.

This is the thanks I get for treating him with love, respect and patience for 20 years. This is my reward for putting up with his terrible treatment of me and trying so hard to bring him out of his depression and anger. And had I known that he had wanted to leave, I would have let him go out of love. In fact, on the day he left, I did help him pack his bags, lovingly, not knowing he had plans to meet his mistress at a party that very evening. I received a call that night from a friend asking where I was, why I wasn’t at the party, and who the two skanks were with my husband. I told my friend that he had left me and that I had not been invited. That part was only insulting, but the things he and his mistress did to me to follow were without merit and downright unscrupulous. And I swear I only did one measly little thing to retaliate. And it was only to blow off steam and it wasn’t even directed towards him, nor was it in any way harmful.

My unfaithful hubby had written to me in an email that, “I think at 36 it’s time you put on your grown up panties on and make a budget.” So, I created a fake dating profile and used a photo of him which had been posted on Facebook of him wearing his trollop’s cheetah print hot-pants, except I blurred out the face. I figured that was his version of grown-up panties. All the rest of the information I included on the profile was true, just nothing which would identify him in particular. I responded to the following questions/comments on the site as such:

What I’m doing with my life: Not much, trying to find a way to get rich so I can buy some more grown up panties.

I’m really good at: lying, tall tales/exaggerations… you get the point.

The first thing people usually notice about me: My girlish figure.

The six things I could never do without: money, i-phone, computers, lackeys, alcohol, lies

On a typical Friday night I am: Getting drunk and harassing my soon-to-be-ex-wife.

You should message me if: You wanna have my babies and do all the work of raising them for me. Also, be sure you can take criticism and cook fantastic vegan meals for me. And by fantastic, I mean I decide if they are fantastic or not.

I also indicated that he drinks “Desperately” and “Likes Children”, but most people wouldn’t understand that it’s in a creepy way and they should really keep their under-aged girls away from him. In short, he’s an anorexic, alcoholic, pedophile with narcissistic personality disorder and he is only partially responsible for why I sum up my life over the past several years with the word, “Incredulous.”