A couple of years ago I met a guy online one night. Against my better judgment I shared with him my phone number when he asked if he could call to talk as he was driving home and said it would be easier/safer for him than sending messages via the dating website we had met through. (Don’t hound me for the use of the phrase “dating website”. I argue against the phrase as I believe they are perfectly fine for making friends or for those who are already in a relationship AS LONG AS both partners are ok with it.) We chatted on the phone for a little bit and then said our good nights.
I was a little annoyed to receive a jovial text from him way too early the next morning. I tried to patiently explain that sleep was important for me, I have fatigue issues, please don’t text so early. I had also tried several times to explain that texting was very difficult for me. It was literally very painful and would make me dizzy. He was a bit dense, incredibly sexual, and very persistent. I did my best to be as pleasant as possible, because that’s the way I was brought up.
The following are our word for word text conversations. I’ve prefaced his comments with “Freak Guy:”, shown them in italics and indented them whereas mine are prefaced with “Incredulous”, shown in plain type and no indent. The comments in red are simply my thought commentary and weren’t ever stated.
Freak Guy: I want to be with you! I want to get to know you and trust you and believe in you. I want us to be together
Do you? Yes or No?
{I hadn’t even met the guy, why the heck is he asking for some sort of commitment and declaring he wants to be with me already? Kind of creepy and clingy feeling. And what’s with the Yes or No stuff? That seems a bit like grade school; “Do you want to be my girlfriend, check Yes or No”.}
Incredulous: I don’t move that fast – I’d have to get to know you.
Freak Guy: Do u want to? And not anyone else?
Incredulous: Idk
{Uhm, no. You’re starting to get a bit creepy.}
Freak Guy: U have to make a choice. I dont do multiple dates. If u want to date me then date me. Other wise we can just be sexual. Fwb. Ur choice
{HA! I don’t have to make that choice, Freak! I can choose not to have anything to do with you at all!}
Incredulous: I can’t make that choice w/o having even met you. I wouldn’t date more than one guy at a time though & I don’t do just sex.
Freak Guy: Ok. Then meet me and kiss me deeply and let go. Let me make u happy
Incredulous: Time for my walk, so if I don’t respond it’s bcs my hands are full
Freak Guy: And no limits. Rules. Boundries. Let us have a clean. Open. Hot. Fun adventurous slate! Deal?
{It sounds like you are making a lot of rules.}
Incredulous: Ha ha, what if I don’t feel like kissing on a first date
Freak Guy: Baby. Please! Its a new beginning. Just let go have some real hot fun
Incredulous: What if you don’t do it for me? Remember, I’m worried @ my energy long term.
Freak Guy: Tell me about that. U can tell me any thing
Incredulous: time for walk
***
{Several days later, I still hadn’t met the Freak. I also hadn’t had any further contact with him since the above text conversation.}
Freak Guy: Have u talked to or seen ur ex
Incredulous: Yup
Freak Guy: Have sex?
Incredulous: Yup
{I had told him from the beginning that I was still hanging out with my ex and things were “complicated”. I certainly hadn’t made any sort of commitment to the Freak.}
Freak Guy: Ok. Take care. I dont deal with lying ass whore?
Incredulous: Ok
{Whatever, I hadn’t lied at all. I had been trying to convince myself that I was through with my ex but I also knew that I would have a hard time resisting temptation. I didn’t need to get into the depths of my own thoughts and decisions with a stranger though; those were my private matters, not his selfish concerns. I was very glad NOT to be meeting him and NOT to be hearing from him anymore.}
Freak Guy: Fuck off u cunt bag! Ur pics and phone number will be posted today. Good luck
See how u like that. Cunt!
Incredulous: If that’s what my honesty gets…i could have lied & said no
Freak Guy: No i meant all u had to do was say ur not interested in me! U emailed me on okcupid. Remember
Ur a fuckin joke!
{What makes me laugh the most is how often guys make comments about girls being emotional, whiny, and in other ways unable to handle themselves. Yet, it’s men whom I more often witness throwing tantrums, getting into fist fights, and being in other ways completely incapable of handling their emotions rationally and maturely. And this is just another case in point. More examples of guys gone hostile over rejection.}
Incredulous: It’s not that simple/cut & dry
Freak Guy: Yes it is. U fuck him and told me u were done with him. U told me u didnt want sex with anyone til u came back from florida. U lied all the way around. Admit it
Take responsibilty for ur life instead of using bullshit for a fuckin crutch. Ive been upfront and real with u. From day one. All i ask is u be too. U
play games
Incredulous: I failed to adequately predict the future. I don’t have any commitment to you though. I have been forthright.
{Not only do I not have any sort of commitment to him, there’s no sane reason why I should have to run any of my grown-up decisions past some stranger whom I’ve never met. Especially one who acts psychotic and jealous when I am still maintaining a physical connection with someone I just broke up with. That should signal that he needs to stand back, not get angry with me for having unfinished business to attend to.}
Freak Guy: Ur a fucking loser bitch. Do not contact me ever again. Like u would anyway
Incredulous: Ok
{He’s right about my not contacting him again. Sadly, he tried to contact me a couple of times though. He acted as though he hadn’t blown a fuse, he hadn’t shared my photos, phone number, dating profile ID and email address on a secret misogynist forum. He also acted as though he had no idea about the sort of viral attention I received in eminent proportions on that forum from salacious stalkers who in turn posted tall tales of their accounts with me. They described the supposed sexual activity I engaged in with them, and it became like a ratings and ranking game for them in which they earned clout just for having any sort of contact with me.
You can imagine the attention I received and how many guys wanted to converse with me, were trying to get me to go out with them, were attempting to deceive me, and even rape me if they were able to find a way to meet me in person. And I wasn’t even aware that this was going on for a while. I did end up meeting one in person and I did get raped. I later wasn’t able to trust anyone who contacted me on a dating site as I had no way of knowing if they were a member of the forum or not. I’ll have to write a little more about The Forum another time, but that’s most of the story.}
Freak Guy: Just wish you would have been true to your word. But im glad i hadnt met u now
{Yeah, and I wish he weren’t such a Freak. I’m so glad I never met him too. I don’t think I would have ever felt comfortable enough to want to meet him. He gave off some seriously creepy vibes pretty quickly.}
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